Backgammon is a frustrating game sometimes.
On those days when the dice would test the patience of even
the most imperturbable player,
it pays to have a good sense of humor.
Thanks to Phil Simborg for these gems.
Give Me a BreakGive It a Number|
| By Phil Simborg & Stu Katz.|
If you're like most of us, you're sick of hearing your friends tell you
about how they lost a match or game that just "couldn't be lost". Aren't
you tired of hearing about someone's opponent rolling 6-2 from the bar to
win the match? Or "dancing twice in a row on a one-point board"? Or "the
idiot rolled double one's."
We got sick of hearing it from both others and each other, so we developed a
system (code) to save time. This code has added greatly to our lives, so we
thought we would share it with all of you so that, in the future, when
you're telling us about "the disgusting, almost impossible way" you lost the
match, you can spare us the details.
It's simple: we've numbered all the typical situations, and now we
only have to say to each other, "He rolled a No. 4." Or whatever.
Here's the code:
You danced once or more on a one or two point board.
He rolled the only number that hits you to win the game.
He rolled many doubles in the bear off and beat you.
You were down to 2 or 3 checkers on your ace, rolled a one, got hit
You couldn't roll a number higher than a 3 for four turns and had to
break your prime; but you still should have won, and then he rolled jokers.
He made horrible plays, while you played like a master, but he rolled
out of his kazoo and beat you anyway.
He took the worst double you've ever seen and was sure to get
gammoned, but he rolled jokers and won.
You rolled the perfect roll to win the game but it was cocked dice.
You know he rolled a 2-1 but he swore it was a 1-1 and the tournament
director made you flip a coin and you lost.
He went to the bathroom and you're sure he either ran to his car and
used Jellyfish or he talked to Jake and found out what to do.
So in the future, don't bother us with long, sad stories ... just give us the
number. And by the way, if we respond "No. 1 Response," that means: "What
makes you think I give a damn how you lost your stupid match?"
The Man and the Pink Car|
| By Phil Simborg.|
One day a man was driving along in a pink car on a pink road in a pink
town. As he drove past a pink farm house, his pink car broke down.
He walked down the pink farm house's pink walkway and knocked on the pink door.
Soon a farmer in pink overalls and his wife in a pink apron answered the door.
He asked if he could use the phone. They gestured to a pink phone and said
that he could use it but the phone lines were down.
It seemed that a pink tree had fallen and caused the problem. The lines
were expected to operational by the next day though. They invited him to
spend the night until he could get help. It was too late to go
anywere else as the pink sun was already sinking in the pink sky.
They sat around on a pink sofa all night and played some "friendly" games
of backgammon on a pink board with pink dice. The visitor won $200.
When the pink clock struck 12:00 he excused himself. He freshened up in the
pink bathroom and brushed his teeth with a pink toothbrush and pink
toothpaste. He then put on some pink pajamas and went to sleep in a pink
bed with pink sheets.
The next morning the pink alarm clock went off at 7:00 and he got up and put
on his sharpest pink suit and went down the pink stairs. He was invited to
have breakfast so he went to the pink kitchen. After breakfast they
checked the pink phone and were glad to see that it was working. He called
a tow truck. Soon a pink tow truck comes. It gives him a ride back down
the pink road to his broken down pink car. They tow it to the pink garage.
They saw it only needed a new pink fan belt. After installing the belt and
filling up the car with some pink gasoline the man was happily on his way.
The moral of this story is ...
Never play backgammon for money with strangers.
Return to: Backgammon Galore!